last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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