Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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