Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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