: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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