i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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