if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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