this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
