The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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