dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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