Have you finally orgasmed yet?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
