This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
