Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
