I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
