I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
