Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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