I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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