there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
