I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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