Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
