Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
