I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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