theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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