he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
