you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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