Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
