What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
