I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
