After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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