Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
