I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
