so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
