So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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