Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
