Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
