As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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