i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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