i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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