2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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