FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
bring money and cleavage
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
