I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
