i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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