Apparently you make a good broom.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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