she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
