My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
