if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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