so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
