Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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