Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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