I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
