it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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