this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
