he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize