But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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