I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
