you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He shit in the fireplace
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
