Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
