dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
