So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
zippers are such a cool invention
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
