Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
