my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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