I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
