I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
