We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
