I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
