A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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