I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
