I think my fart just growled at me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
