good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The power of my boobs compel you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
