every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
