Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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