Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
