why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
