i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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