epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
