office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
