im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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